An Introvert in an Extroverted World

For people who know me well this isn't the post you may have been expecting me to write for the last five months. For the people who know me a little bit the last five or six months of my life have been a little bit like a soap opera - this post isn't about that. For those people who don't know me at all well hello, how did you find me? Are you well? Sit down and have a cup of tea. Anyway...

I did ask permission to use this picture ages ago but I can't remember who's. If you know who drew it please let me know!

I'm coming out...no, not in that way, but as an introvert. Most people who know me personally know this to be true anyway (although I have had a few people argue with me on this point) but a lot of people who just know me a little bit either don't know or maybe just suspect. Some of you might not even know what it means - something I might help put right during this post. Have you noticed something about this first paragraph though? It's written as if this was some big announcement and as if it was almost something I was hiding. It is sort of true though. We live in a world where being quiet and thoughtful are seen as character defects, things to be ashamed of and to try and change rather than as just being a difference and maybe even a strength.

Let's get the facts out of the way. What are introversion and extroversion? Well a good way of explaining the difference (and for this I thank a nation of different articles I've read linked to from the Facebook group Introverts Are Awesome) is that introverts are people who draw their energy, recharge their batteries if you like, from being alone and find being with other people too much exhausting. Extroverts draw energy from being around other people. A lot of people, myself included up until recently, mistake shyness for introversion but the two don't necessarily go hand in hand - you can get shy extroverts and, um...unshy (is that a word?) introverts. As it happens I'm a shy introvert which was one of the reasons I always confused the two but as I've been learning more about the subject I've learned how to distinguish between them. None of this means that introverts don't like being around other people, on the contrary, we like other people. It's just that we don't get out of being around them what extroverts do. Equally we tend to prefer small, intimate groups while extroverts tend to be "the more the merrier" types. You've no idea how often I've flinched at the words "I've invited xxxxxx along too. I hope you don't mind." It's not that I don't like xxxxxx its just that I wasn't expecting them to be coming along on our little jaunt, they're going to change the entire group dynamic when I was looking forward to the way it was going to be with just us.

What has made me write about this now? It's just that I've come across a group of people recently talking about it that have made me think about the subject. How for all my life I've thought there was something wrong with me, something I should fight, change. Here's an example: in job interviews my stock answer to the question "What weaknesses do you feel you still need to work on?" is "My quietness." Obviously I embellish it more but that's what it boils down to. But why should the fact that in meetings I listen and take things in and only talk when I have something valuable to give seen as a fault? Surely if more people were like that in the work place we'd get more useful stuff done? I'll come back to the work place later but first lets look at how we treat introverted children.

I'm not a parent but I was once a child, an introverted one at that. Now my parents were good parents and introverts themselves and I don't think I had a bad childhood, far from it in fact. I was in the Scouts and then the Air Cadets, both organisations that like to "build character" especially the Air Cadets. Now I understand that the Air Cadets are kind of preparing you for life in the RAF to a certain extent and so is a bit of a special case, but an interesting question is why is "character" always considered the same thing? Scouting is a very inclusive organisation, welcoming in all races, religions and genders yet introversion is seen as something to be changed, something to be got rid of and replaced. Why can't an introverted person get enjoyment and pleasure from camping and hiking and all those things scouts do without being expected to change their character? Why not build on the character they already have? You're a thoughtful type so you've sat back and thought about how this raft should be built? Maybe we should listen to what you have to say instead of rushing off with the self appointed extrovert leaders and doing whatever came into their heads immediately and having the thing sink halfway across the river. All this may sound like sour grapes to some but I'm honestly not complaining about my childhood, I just think it's time we started valuing quiet people and encouraging them to continue to think about things, learn about things and do things in a way that works well  for them and could also help everyone else.

The work environment is very similar. We've all been in meetings where a few extroverts have essentially held court, had their opinion heard and by the end of the meeting they're the only people who have really said anything. The problem is that it's the extroverts who get noticed and valued even if most of what they say is actually ill-informed waffle. I'm not arguing here that there should be a moment where someone says "What do you think?" to the resident introvert in the group - I couldn't think of anything worse - but there are people who may stay quiet in meetings who's opinions are equally valid but aren't valued as much because they didn't come straight out with them, didn't shout them loud enough in a room full of people. I'm not saying we deserve special treatment, I'm not saying we need special "introvert times" or anything. All I'm saying is that businesses should start valuing their introvert employees, they need to realise we have stuff to offer. Businesses are ran predominantly by extroverts for obvious reasons - they are more likely to be the go-getters, the movers-and-shakers but this very fact means that the top end of businesses tend to be extrovert heavy because being an extrovert is seen by other extroverts as always being a good thing and better than being an introvert. "How can you manage people if you don't like being with people?" they might say not realising that actually introverts are "people people," we just go about liking people in a different way. We give another perspective is all I'm saying and that is valuable.

Right. I've rambled on enough abut this. I might come back to it in the future. In fact I almost certainly will. I'm off to recharge, quietly, with a book in the garden.